8 TIPS to Retrain Your Brain to Use Positive Self-Talk

Self-talk is generally thought to be a mix of conscious and unconscious beliefs and biases that we hold about ourselves and the world generally. This internal chatter can be cheerful and supportive or negative and self-defeating. This voice is useful when it is positive, talking down fears and bolstering confidence. Human nature is prone to negative self-talk, like “I can’t do anything right” or “I’m a complete failure."

Positive self-talk is not about knowing all the answers or thinking you are amazing. It is not about narcissism, or deceiving ourselves into thinking things that are inaccurate, it is simply about reframing how you view things, removing negative bias, and approaching life with the idea that you can tackle things – and even if it does not go perfectly – you will learn from it for next time. It is more about showing yourself some self-compassion for who you are and what you have been through. Brene Brown stated, “Talk to yourself like you would to someone you love.”

Our sub-conscious mind can’t tell the difference between what is real and what is imagined!  It takes any thoughts that you send to the brain as reality. Once you direct an image or visualization to your sub-conscious brain, it will work 24 hours a day to make that image a reality, coming up with a plan to make those thoughts true for your life. Our brains are hardwired to remember negative experiences over positive ones, so we recall the times we did not quite get it right more than the times we do. Our brains will recall the negative messages faster than the positive ones. Russ Kyle said, “Watch what you tell yourself, you’re likely to believe it.”      

Retrain Your Brain #1: Notice Your Current Self Talk

Before you can begin to use positive self-talk, you first need to identify how often and what type of negative self-talk you engage in. Once you understand this, you can make a start on retraining your thoughts.

Negative self-talk tends to fall into one of four categories:

·         Personalizing – Meaning you blame yourself when things go wrong.

·         Polarizing – Meaning you see things only as good or bad, no gray areas or room for middle ground.

·         Magnifying – Meaning you only focus on the bad or negative in every scenario and dismiss anything good or positive.

·         Catastrophizing – Meaning you always expect the worst.

Once you start categorizing your thoughts like this, you can then begin to work on switching them for more positive frames.

Retrain Your Brain #2 It is a conscious effort

You can retrain and change your thinking by having positive self-talk.  It is a conscious effort that can literally change your life!

1. You cannot just say  “I am not . . .” Instead you should make your message a positive one so your sub-conscious doesn't still hear the word "Not."

2. You cannot just say the opposite like “I’m Stupid”- “I’m smart”  Try to be realistic and creative, like ”I can try harder and do better.”

Positive Self Talk Examples

• I have the power to change my mind.

• Attempting to do this took courage and I am proud of myself for trying.

• Even though it wasn’t the outcome I hoped for, I learned a lot about myself.

• I might still have a way to go, but I am proud of how far I have already come.

• I am capable and strong, I can get through this.

• Tomorrow is a chance to try again, with the lessons learned from today.

• I will give it my all to make this work.

• I can’t control what other people think, say or do. I can only control me.

• This is an opportunity for me to try something new.

• I can learn from this situation and grow as a person.

Retrain Your Brain #3 Utilize Positive Affirmations

Positive affirmations are a great way to switch up our self-talk chatter. Before a situation even arises that might incite negative self-talk, practice saying positive affirmations in the mirror to encourage your positive approach to yourself.

Visual cues are also excellent reminders to adopt a more positive approach. Little notes, posters or post-its around the house with positive expressions can make a huge difference to your daily mindset.

Retrain Your Brain #4 Identifying Self-Talk Traps

Some situations may cause us to indulge in more negative self-talk than others. For example, an introvert might find negative self-talk crops up when they have to attend social events or networking.

Identifying these traps can help you put in more preparation to address and switch your negative to positive self-talk.

Retrain Your Brain #5 Challenge your negative thoughts

Start asking yourself the following questions.

•  Is there evidence against this negative self talk?

•   What proof do I have against it?

•  Identify times in life that prove this negative self talk is incorrect.

Retrain Your Brain #6 What Would A Friend Say?

As you begin to identify when you use negative self-talk, and what phrases/words you use start asking yourself these questions:

•  Would a friend say or think this about me?

•   Would I say or think this about a friend?

•   What would a friend say about me instead?

•   What would I say to a friend who thought this about themselves?

Be careful what you say about yourself because someone very important is listening. YOU.

John Assaraf

Retrain Your Brain #7 Check-In With Your Emotions

Switching to positive self-talk takes effort. We’re so attuned to negative self-talk that it might only take one or two minor setbacks to put you back down that path.

When challenges do arise, make sure you check in with how you’re feeling and that your self-talk hasn’t gotten negative. Bring it back with some positive phrases.

Retrain Your Brain #8 Don’t Be Afraid to Create Boundaries

Sometimes there are people in our lives who don’t bring out the best in us. Identifying self-talk traps might also mean identifying a person or two who encourages you to think negatively about yourself. It’s okay to create boundaries and remove these people.

Focus on surrounding yourself with people who talk positively about you, and encourage you to do the same.

Retrain Your Brain #8 Be BOLD

As this series is concluded, remember to be bold with your self talk. Remember the subconscious mind makes what it hears true. With that in mind you should start to tell it positive things even if you do not believe it right now.